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Immature Reactions to Negative Stimulations
20 most recent entries

Date:2007-06-07 14:31
Subject:I'm a million different people. At the same time.

...To just sit across the table and tell you that I think you're wonderful and I think you're something special.

...Ruined it with lots of skin.

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Date:2007-05-23 00:26
Subject:The pills came in a couple weeks too late.

I've never really given a lot of thought to the whole soul mate theory. I guess I've always believed that the people I hung around would be mini soul mates and the person I married would be like the "champian" soul mate. That sounds like something a crack head made up, but go with it.

I guess what this is really about is the fact that I don't think it's too much for me to ask to meet a guy that a have just one thing in common with, the vital thing. The music thing. Which pretty much leads into every aspect of my life. Why doesn't anyone in this pit of hell town.......................

stop. you sound like an idiot.

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Date:2007-05-13 10:10
Subject:Dear Better Boy...

I wish I could come up with something more profound to say, but I am at a loss: You are a dick. I wish weren't, but it's true. Oh, and I'm over it.

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Date:2007-04-23 10:02
Subject:Follow me, pretty baby.

"What do you want to do? What do you really, really want to do?"
You're talking to a girl that always chooses the easiest way. No matter what. Which is probably why she's living in her parents basement, working 12 hours a week at a job she hates and going to a school she hates and declaring a major that will more than likely take her 8 years to accomplish.

Why am I not making this better? Why am I full on refusing to grow up? Why am so scared?

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Date:2006-11-28 14:17
Subject:Never gonna be, never gonna be...

I MISS MY EFFING XANGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMNIT!!!

So there's the episode of the OC:
"I'm just here to entertain him when he's bored."
(Ryan's withering look.)
"And now I'm so bored."

I know the feeling.

Heh... how is it possible that I feel more free to speak my mind on a different server? I mean, really, less people read this. I could be incredibly more liberal here with less consequence. But, really, what consequence? People will think what they think.


Why don't I just myspace? I think I might have forgotten why I've generated a hate for it in the first place.

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Date:2006-11-28 13:26
Subject:Leave me, lyin' here, cuz I don't wanna go!!

I had a cold shower this morning. And that did not make me very happy.

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Date:2006-11-27 17:09

What happend? Where's my journal?

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Date:2006-10-22 18:36
Subject:So, got stood up.
Mood: flirty

Here's the thing: in all honesty my favorite activity is flirting. It's the truth. Here's another thing, it has been a really, really long time since I've done any. For various ridiculas reasons. And I miss doing it. I truly do. I think the only reason I'm really thinking about it right now is because I just finished watching The Ringer starring Johnny Knoxville who has got to be hottest idiot I've ever seen in my life. And, he's probably really great at flirting and I was just thinking about that. Because it's fun. Anyway. Now I'm feeling really lame. However, not lame enough to delete this entry because I've neglected my livejournal for awhile and I needed to show it some love because it hasn't gotten any and lord knows I haven't gotten any so I thought ONE of us should.

Speaking of Brandon Flowers... you're killing me. Really, I mean... the single touched me in a way that I know no other song has so I bought the new album. My emotions were heightened and tingling... and... wow, speaking of not getting any. There was nothing. Brandon Flowers... you are so beautiful and misleading.

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Date:2006-09-03 13:03
Subject:According to my brother we no longer say "bad ass", we now say "b.a."
Mood: bored

Hi, I don't know who that girl was that has been post on here recently. She's an emotional mess, and will not longer be allowed to post her rantings about the stupid things that people do to upset her life. Okay, okay, to be realistic, she might return occasionally, but not to the degree that she has been performing over the last month.
We're better.
So, pretty sure that's all, just wanted to make you aware that scary girl is gone.

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Date:2006-08-06 17:43
Subject:Things Aaron didn't want me to know.

You were a psycho from the very beginning. And no one told me. You were a psycho the night we met and no one mentioned it. You were a psycho while you were telling me your life story and I never picked up on it. You were a psycho when we were alone and you were a psycho when we were around other people. No one told me. No one warned me.

Someone should have told me.

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Date:2006-07-30 18:04
Subject:Things that I can't write in Xanga.

I never suspected that a girly e-mail that I sent to my best friend, who is currently in Italy for 2 months would end up sent to everyone in my address book, and plastered on a blog for the world to read. Save, that the boy it was about would read it. However, I've given this much thought, and I promise if I had to choose between him reading it and the whole world reading it, I'd choose him. I'm not even sure that the letter that was sent to my family and friends and then pasted on xanga was even the true letter that I wrote. Because I wrote a lot of things in that letter, but there was something he said that I had said in the letter that hurt. I don't believe I wrote that. I wrote things about that issue, but not directly what he said hurt. I would never say he was incapable of that. I guess it doesn't matter anymore what I said or didn't say. Because of this none of my family takes me seriously and are "very concerned about the choices" I'm making. It was a letter I wrote to my best friend, and while I was completely honest... I wouldn't deny the fact that I may have embellished. But now I sound like I'm just trying to cover my ass. Which I'm not because... everything and my ass has now been exposed. The "friends" that it was sent to are people I never see or talk to anymore who, I'm sure now think awful things about me. These friends are people who I look up to and reveled in their acceptance. Now my life is a joke, or something for them to learn from... I'm not sure which is worse. People tell me it will all blow over in awhile. It will never blow over for me. I will always fear that someone is raping my privacy. My thoughts are no longer my own if I write them and send them away. How is it that someone could be capable of such a thing? Someone who has used the word "love" towards me. There isn't even a retaliation appropriate for this action because I have used the word "love" in the past, towards you. How can you hurt someone you once loved? Or thought you loved? Or were trying to love? There are several incriminating and most humilating things I could post for the world to see about you. But I didn't and I never would.

I don't know what this is turning into. I don't want to care about it anymore.

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Date:2006-07-20 20:03

I have finally figured it out. All these years, and I had no clue, but I've finally hit the nail on the head, the lightbulb came on, and I have a winner.

It's not that it's addictive, it's that it's obsessive.

The way you know is that it's not a need, it's an annoyance.

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Date:2006-07-19 19:35
Subject:I don't really don't what this is.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now. × I don't watch much TV these days. I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses. × I love to play video games. × I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies. × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. × I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on...Collapse )

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Date:2006-07-16 19:16

In some strange way, I feel safer writing about this in my livejournal, rather than on my xanga site. More people read xanga, whatever.

Here's the thing: breaking up sucks, there's no dispute over that, but when a break up lasts 4 months, it really sucks. Yes, I am responsible for the break-up, I did all the dirty work. Yes, I encouraged some non-break-up action, that was all my idea. Don't think I haven't learned abything. Don't think that I don't know that my actions hurt you, myself, people who care for us. But don't think that I was purposely trying to make everything go to shit. Don't think that me creating this huge wasteland of emotion, that I didn't want to do the right thing by you.

I'm not writing all this here because I'm a coward, I'll be honestly surprised if you read it, the thing is, I think you need to know that I feel once a relationship is over, like our's, I don't think there is a chance of being friends. Not like you want it, at least, and not like I've put on a cherade that says we could. I don't believe we can. I hadn't spoken to Aaron in 2 years because of that. And I don't think things will be different with us.

Jamie and I have had long talks about this very issue, because you make me believe that we can be friends, for the last 4 months I believed that, and finally she just had to tell me no, it doesn't work like that. You're probably pissed that I bring her up, but she's going through the same thing, only she understands that a friendship with her ex-boyfriend is out of the question. So, don't you see? It's not that I don't want a friend, it's not that at all, it's at this piont, if we keep on pretending, further damage would insue, and neither of us could handle that emtionally.

Furthermore, we bother just want to be happy, we bother just want the other to be happy. I can't pretend to be your friend to make you happy. YOu don't need me to make you happy. The last year of our relationship I didn't make you happy. It's the truth.

The reason for this? If I read it enough, maybe it will make sence to me, and then maybe you.

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Date:2006-04-08 15:55
Subject:Things I hate.
Mood: crappy

I hate this journal.
I hate having nothing to do on a Saturday.
I hate wanting boys I can't have.
I hate wanting boys I shouldn't have.
I hate getting over a relationship with no one by my side.
I hate that red hair color fades very rapidly.
I hate that Lauren Solter is graduating within a week and I'll have to find someone else to do my hair.
I hate living alone.
I hate that I can't go back to being the old me.
I hate sweating.
I hate having high standards for everyone but myself.
I hate starting to read books and never finishing.
I hate that I hate a lot of things.
I hate that there are things that I still really love about Grant.
I hate that the things that I love about Grant do not over shadow the things that I really don't love about him.
I hate that I don't have a best friend.
I hate that the people I'm closest to right now I have next to nothing in common with.
I hate that bitch a lot.
I hate that at the present I have no creative release.
I hate that I feel like I'm nothing if I'm not someone's.
I hate that probably my best appeal is that I know how to flirt.
I have that I've sat here for too long thinking about the things that i hate.

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Date:2005-08-25 21:05
Subject:Butter, milk and sugar...
Mood: curious

Is so wrong to have a love affair with new shoes?

...because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with my new candies.

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Date:2005-08-20 22:06
Subject:I promise is a promise.

1. Reply to this entry and I will write something random about you.
You have nice hair.

2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
The theme song from the OC.

3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
Do they make grape jello?

4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
I still don't do pity dates. :)

5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
I don't honestly remember, it's been so long since I met you.

6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.

7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
So where have you been? I haven't talked to you in a while.

Well, since we spoke last, I attended xenon for the esthetics program. started in november, ended in april. got hired at Salon Uruku as there esthetician. took my state borads. passed. got licensed. still work there. still work at office max. still live at home. no longer have red hair. it's now blonde. i love it. i don't think there's a grape flavored jell-o, but there is watermelon and i do love that. Grant got me The OC on DVD and I've watched each of the 27 episodes 3 times. Not because I don't have a life, or anything. Heh. I don't have a life. Working seven days a week is my life. Peacocks are pretty. I did a report on peacocks in sixth grade. I got an A. I always thought it'd be cool to have the last name Peacock. Grant's last name is Cox, so I'm almost there. My first memory of you is stupid, so I'm not going to go there. It's probably not even my first memory, but it's been a while and I was totally being an idiot, and since I am not longer an idiot, I choose not to share it. I do pity dates, yeah, do them all the time, guys just lining up for them, I've got a waiting list 6 pages long now.

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Date:2005-04-22 17:34

my pet!

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Date:2005-04-18 11:57
Mood: content

It's out year anniversary of dating THIS friday!!!

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areInseperable
Your meeting was byAnswered prayer
They are yourSoulmate
You are theirShining star
Your love willBe the envy of the world
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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Date:2005-04-07 13:48
Subject:This is so sad.
Mood: bitchy

Screw you and screw Mary Kay!

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my journal